Write the Next Great American Novel

imageFor those who have dreamed of writing the next “Great American Novel” here are two tongue-in-cheek offerings which offer tips on getting that checked off your writer’s bucket list.

Jim Berle details  How To write the next Great American Novel
Below are bullet points from his essay.

  • Move out of Brooklyn.
  • Drop out of school.
  • Stop writing at Starbucks.
  • Adultery is passé.
  • Avoid using a child’s POV.
  • Stop wasting time on the Internet.
  • Don’t listen to anyone’s opinions.
  • Stop drinking and doing coke.
  • Enough with the anti-heroes already!
  • Never stop writing.

He concludes with:

“Everything in the world is trying to distract you from getting something on the page. Our own doubts about everything we do is crushing. Don’t let it crush you. No one has any idea what they’re doing. And even J. K. Rowling once lived in her car and her next book will probably be no good anyway. The Great American Novel is inside you, I just know it. Especially if you’re Canadian. Like the David statue in the stone, it’s up to you to release it. And then leave it on a window sill or the M train so I can steal it and take all the credit for it. Even the greatest writers died horrible deaths terribly alone. Try to enjoy it.”

Visit Jim’s web site for the full article. He’s sharp as a tack and funny besides.

From Huntington Post, Ester Bloom offers her two cents worth on the subject. Some suggestions for accomplishing this feat are surprising including:

  • Be a dude, ideally dead.
  • White and privileged is good.
  • Being a drunk is helpful
  • The only acceptable city settings are New York or Chicago.

You can read her article here.